


Let Us Help You, Leo

by SnapTheVolleyNerd



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Asthma, Asthma attack, I'm Bad At Tagging, Leo overworked himself, Nightmares, and Donnie is pissed about it, asthmatic Leo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23249503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnapTheVolleyNerd/pseuds/SnapTheVolleyNerd
Summary: Leo feels a heavy burden, and therefore doesn't share it with his family, wanting them to feel safe....
Comments: 12
Kudos: 76





	1. The Past Haunts Him

**Author's Note:**

> Do I know what I'm doing? Absolutely not. Will I continue doing it? Fuck yeah.

Leo struggled to open his eyes, his alarm assaulting his sensitive ears. It had been another night full of nightmares, they had gotten worse sense they had returned to New York. He sighed wearily as he turned the alarm off. No matter how much meditating he did with Master Splinter, or how much he told his family he was fine, he couldn’t shake the feelings that these nightmares left him with.

As he placed his blanket back on his futon, his thoughts wondered to the night before, how he had fallen off a building during patrol, much to his brothers amusement.

_He was so tired, he had stayed up the entire night, helping Donnie with a handful of repairs, and then comforting Raph after a nightmare. He felt like he hadn’t slept in days, which was very close to accurate, as the little sleep he did get was riddled with nightmares. He missed the ledge of the building as they jumped, and he blacked out for a few moments. When he came to he heard his brothers teasing him._

_“Aw, come on Leo, do we have to follow your lead all the way down there?”_

_Mikey giggled, not realizing that Leo was very much not feeling like himself at that moment. Donnie was the one caught on that he wasn’t feeling well._

_“L-Leo, did you hit your head?”_

_Donnie’s words brought their joking to a swift end as Leo nodded in the affirmative._

Leo groaned at the killer headache he felt, as he prepared for his morning meditation. He lit his incense, breathing in the mildly sweet scent. It soothed the exhausted turtle, if only a little. He closed his eyes as he knelt down, hoping to release these thoughts that had refused to leave him for so long.

He had only been meditating for a few minutes when the image of the Shredder assaulting him all those months ago suddenly flashed in his vision. His eyes flew open at the memory, as he frantically struggled to calm his panicked breathing. He was safe, he was in his room, Shredder was nowhere near him. As his breathing at last began to even, he glanced at the clock. He still had another hour at least before morning training. Realizing meditating wasn’t going to happen this morning, he silently left his room with the intention of having a cup (or several) of some soothing green tea.

It shouldn’t have surprised him to see Donnie in the kitchen, fumbling with the coffee maker, clearly already on his third pot.

“Morning, Donnie.”

Leo nearly jumped out of his shell when Donnie whirled around, glaring at him.

“ _Leo I told you to stay in bed and rest for the day!_ I already talked to Master Splinter about your head, and he agreed that it’d be best if you skipped training for the day.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but decided against it, considering the glare he received from his brother. He filled the kettle with water and flicked it on, impatient at the time it took for him to make a cup of tea. He could feel Donnie’s eyes on him, but elected to ignore it.

“Leo, did you even sleep last night?”

Although Donnie’s voice was soft as he asked the question, Leo couldn’t prevent himself from jumping at the sudden noise. Frustration building up in Donnie’s voice, he asked again.

“ _Leo._ Did you sleep last night?”

“Yes, I slept, Don. What, am I not allowed a cup of tea now?”

It was rare for the eldest to snap back at any of his brothers, and it was enough for Donnie to begin formulating a theory of what was happening to Leo. He knew the head injury from the night before would frustrate him, but this was an entirely unexpected response to a simple question. Donnie suddenly realized it was far too early for Leo to already be done with his morning meditation.

“Leo, how was your meditation this morning?”

At the lack of a response, he turned to look at his brother, and was astonished to see his shoulders shaking, and the sound of fast, uneven breathing.

“Leo! Hey, i-it’s okay.”

He dropped everything, rushing to his big brother. He rubbed small circles on Leo’s shell, all while taking in as much information as he could from Leo’s current state. Once the shaking had calmed, Donnie had thought the worst of it was over. Oh, how wrong he was.

Leo couldn’t seem to calm his breathing, and before long, he was coughing and wheezing, unable to control it. Donnie’s mind whirled as he thought of what to do, he knew that Leo never carried his inhaler with him when they were in the lair.

“M-Mikey! **I need you to grab Leo’s inhaler, _now!!_** ”

Thankfully, Donnie knew that Mikey was awake, and he heard him come running into the kitchen only moments later. Donnie held his hand out for the small piece of plastic and began talking to Leo as he administered the medication.

“Shh, Leo. Just let us help you. We’ve got you.”

This was the sight that Master Splinter and Raphael happened upon, once they noticed the rest of their family was missing. Leo, collapsed on the floor, with Donnie helping him stay sitting upright, Mikey to his other side rubbing his shell gently as his body continued to shake.

“My sons, what has happened?”

Splinter asked worriedly, before kneeling in front of his eldest son.

“Leo had an asthma attack, Sensei. I-I’m not entirely sure what caused it…”

Splinter gazed at his son, seeing the fatigue he was clearly feeling. He recalled the day before, and how Leo had asked to meditate with him once more. Although it was normal for Leo to ask to join meditation with his father, it _wasn’t_ normal for this to occur more than once or twice in the same day. It had been the third time he asked that had made Splinter grow worried for his eldest.

“Oh, Leonardo. What have you been hiding from us, my son?”

Splinter whispered, his voice betraying him, as he rubbed his son’s plastron, the area he had been clutching only moments prior. Leo’s eyes were now firmly shut, and, had he not known better, Splinter would have believed his son to be asleep.

“Donatello. We should get him into your lab, my son.”

He nodded in the affirmative, as he and Raph carefully lifted Leo up, a pained groan escaping as they tried desperately to make him more comfortable on their journey to the lab. Splinter followed swiftly behind, Mikey by his side.

“S-Sensei, is Leo gonna be okay?”

Splinter placed a reassuring hand on his youngest son’s shell.

“Michelangelo, your brother should be just fine. However, we must wait and see what Donatello can discover. I fear Leonardo has been hiding something far more serious from us.”


	2. Stubborness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Master Splinter wants to talk to you Leo.”
> 
> Leo opened his mouth to protest, and before he could even get the beginnings of ‘it’s fine’ out of his mouth, Donnie spoke sharply.
> 
> “No, it’s not up for debate, it’s going to happen, whether you like it or not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh idk enjoy????

When Leo awoke, he was disoriented, and had _no idea where he was_. He remembered Donnie in the kitchen, and from there it was all a blur. He tried to sit up, but was stopped by a sudden spasm of pain in his chest, and off he went with a fit of coughing and wheezing. Donnie was at his side in moments, Leo’s inhaler in hand. Leo shakily took the small piece of plastic, as his brother rubbed his shell gently. As his breathing calmed, Donnie spoke.

“Master Splinter wants to talk to you Leo.”

Leo opened his mouth to protest, and before he could even get the beginnings of ‘it’s fine’ out of his mouth, Donnie spoke sharply.

“No, it’s not up for debate, it’s going to happen, whether you like it or not.”

Splinter came into the lab, surprised at the sounds of only Donatello arguing with Leonardo, despite the latter not being able to talk.

“Donatello, leave us please.”

“Hai, Sensei.”

Splinter gazed at his eldest son, pondering where to begin.

“Leonardo, my son. What have you been hiding? Tell me.”

Although his voice was gentle, his tone left no room for argument, let alone from his exhausted son.

“F-father…”

Leo’s voice was hoarse, proof of his earlier attack. But he continued.

“I-I, I don’t know wh-where to start.”

As he watched Leo struggle with his words, Splinter sat on the bed, next to his son, and began rubbing soothing circles on his shell. He knew his eldest often carried the burden for his brothers, not only as the oldest, but also as the leader.

“Whenever you are ready, my son.”

Leo nodded, leaning into his father’s touch. It was familiar, soothing. He took a shuddering deep breath before he spoke again.

“I-it started months ago. When I first woke up, back at April’s farmhouse. I-I haven’t stopped having nightmares about what happened to me during the invasion.”

He finally confessed, hiding his face in shame. Splinter looked at his son in shock. He had known of Leo’s near constant nightmares since the first time they had faced the Kraang. But learning about how he had been suffering, without asking for help, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for not realizing his son was still plagued by his nightmares.

“Everytime I close my eyes, I see the Shredder attacking me, or my brothers, or you, o-or the rest of the foot clan fighting me, l-leaving me to fend them off wh-while I try t-to save all of you.”

Leo choked out, fresh tears forming in his eyes. Splinter watched his tormented son closely, and gently he lifted the teen into his arms, so he was cradling him, just as he had done when his boys were younger. Leo leaned against his chest, sobs wracking his body. Splinter looked at what little he could see of his son’s face, and wasn’t entirely surprised to see dark bags under his eyes when he looked up for only a moment.

“My son, look at me.”

Obediently, Leo looked up, tears streaking his face. He looked so small, so weak in that moment.

“Leonardo, you have carried this burden upon your back for far too long. My son, after what you went through, it comes as no surprise that you would suffer nightmares, or night terrors from the memories. I know you carry a great burden as the leader, but you have the strength to carry it. But this goes beyond that. You must learn how to seek help for this. Your brothers and I, we will always be here for you, my son.”

Splinter watched as his son’s shoulders continued to tremble, but began to relax in his embrace. He listened to the deep, even breathing that came from his eldest son, knowing he had at last fallen asleep. He glanced up to see his three younger sons in the doorway of Donnie’s lab, and he nodded, giving them the okay to come in.

“Sensei, is he really asleep?”

It was Mikey who quietly asked, looking at his oldest brother worriedly.

“Yes, Michelangelo, he is asleep. Although I fear it will not continue to be restful.”

At the confused and worried looks from his other sons, Splinter continued.

“Leonardo has been suffering from nightmares for quite some time, my sons. I fear he will continue to be plagued by them, even in his exhaustion.”

Donnie nodded in understanding, as he walked closer, placing his hand on Leo’s forehead, hoping he wouldn’t be greeted with a fever. Although he could tell that his eldest brother’s temperature was slightly elevated, he assumed it was because of the intense emotions he had kept hidden away for so long.

“Sensei, I’m going to ask April to pick up some things to hopefully help Leo on her way down.”

Splinter nodded lightly, before speaking softly.

“My sons, I will be taking Leonardo into my room for the time being. Keep quiet as much as you can, is that understood?”

“Hai, Sensei.”

The three brothers responded in unison.

Donnie paced around the lab as he texted April.

April 😍: How is he, D?

Donny-Boy 💜: Not great. Could you pick up some sleep aids on your way down?

Donny-Boy 💜: Oh, and also some noodles, and some more tea?

April 😍: Of course

April 😍: do you guys need anything else? I’m already gonna be at the store

Donny-Boy 💜: one sec, I’ll look

Donnie made his way into the kitchen, where he found Mikey playing a fame with Ice Cream Kitty.

“Hey, Mikey, do we need anything from the store?”

He watched as Mikey mentally went through their fridge.

“Oh, we need eggs and more Gatorade. Also some more fruits and veggies!”

Donnie sighed as he sent April Mikey’s list.

Donny-Boy 💜: according to Mikey, we need eggs, Gatorade, and some fruits and veggies

Donny-Boy 💜: and if you happen to find passionfruit tea, that’s also supposed to help with nightmares.

April 😍: Got it. See you soon, D!

Donnie sighed as he rubbed his temple. He had known that it was only a matter of time before something like this happened to Leo. After all, he had been through the most, now that Donnie thought about it. He had always thrown himself in the line of fire to protect his family.

“Don? You okay, bro?”

Mikey was incredibly worried for their entire family, and seeing his Brainiac brother in such an odd state was worrying him even more.

“I’m fine, Mikey. I’ve just got a little bit of a headache. C-could you make me some more coffee?”

“No prob, D!”

As the two youngest brothers continued to talk quietly in the kitchen, Raph was alone in his room, furious at their eldest brother.

He pummeled the punching bag that Leo and Casey had recently helped move into his room. He sighed as he clung to the bag, allowing himself to think of what had been happening to Leo recently. A shrill cry from the direction of Splinter’s room brought the brothers running at top speed.

“Leonardo, my son, you must wake up!”

Splinter had never seen his eldest son in such a state, not even when he had been younger. His skin was burning to the touch, his breathing erratic at best, and when he screamed no, Splinter knew he had to wake him somehow. Gritting his teeth, he gently shook his son, whose eyes flew open suddenly. But his eyes did not see his father, they only saw the Shredder, and he shoved Splinter away from him, standing far faster than he should’ve, before he began wheezing, soon unable to breathe.

“Leonardo, my son, it is me! You must snap out of it!”

Splinter rushed forward to catch Leo as he fell, still struggling to get away from him.

“Sensei! You need to calm him down enough for him to use the inhaler!”

Donnie cried as he rushed into the room to help.

“Forgive me, my son.”

He quickly tapped a pressure point on his son, causing momentary paralysis, much to Leo’s fear. Splinter administered the medicine quickly, allowing his eldest son to breathe once again.

“F-fath-ther?”

Leo trembled violently as he realized he was with his family, _he was safe_. Splinter knelt to the floor, holding his eldest son close.

“My son, you are safe. Breathe deeply.”

His younger sons watched helplessly, knowing there was nothing else they could do. Donnie stayed by their father’s side, helping with Leo.

As if on que, April arrived, and began looking for her closest friends. She made sure to set the groceries in the kitchen before looking for the turtles and Master Splinter. She had left Casey to carry most of the groceries down, but she had carried the most important items with her as she looked in the lab first, shocked that Donnie wasn’t there. Suddenly she started running towards Splinter’s room.

As she made her way into the room, she was astonished to see Leo collapsed in his father’s arms, Donnie rubbing his shell.

“Oh my gosh, is Leo okay?”

Her whispered question went unnoticed by Splinter and Donnie, as they struggled to help Leo to his feet. April covered her mouth with her hands as she stared at her honorary big brother. Underneath his eyes were deep purple bags, his eyes bloodshot. It wasn’t hard to tell he was exhausted from whatever had been bothering him. April felt tears prick her eyes as she walked with the rest of the family to the lab, matching their slower pace.


	3. I Need Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey Leo.”
> 
> Her voice was soft as she handed the bags off and came closer. At first Leo was tense, knowing that April was seeing him at such a low point.
> 
> “How’s my big brother doing?”

April watched as Donnie and Splinter carefully laid Leo down on the bed in the lab. She hadn’t felt so helpless or worried for her adopted brother since they had left the farmhouse. Although she could tell that Leo was awake, it wasn’t hard to tell that his consciousness was hard won.

“Leonardo, my son. You need to rest. April has brought some things to assist you.”

As Splinter motioned for her to come closer, April held out the bags she had been carrying to Donnie.

“Hey Leo.”

Her voice was soft as she handed the bags off and came closer. At first Leo was tense, knowing that April was seeing him at such a low point.

“How’s my big brother doing?”

He visibly relaxed as he read her tone and expression. April had learned at the farmhouse to never let Leo see her worry for him, as that would only serve to make him feel worse. She smiled softly before she walked over to give him a proper greeting. A gentle hug made him relax further.

“Here we go, Leo. This should help you sleep, minus the uh…issues.”

Donnie was mindful of his eldest brother’s desire to keep his nightmares as much under wraps as they could, and carefully helped him to swallow the medicine that April had brought for him.

“My son, would you like some tea before you rest?”

Leo nodded, and off went Donnie and April to make some soothing tea.

“Donnie, what happened?”

She studied the worried expression on her best friend’s face, knowing he may not tell her everything, as Leo hadn’t wanted to share what had happened to begin with.

“I-it’s not really my place to tell you, April. But I-I’ll tell you a bit more about what happened later. For now, all you need to know is that Leo hasn’t been sleeping.”

April nodded her head in understanding. He had done the same back at the farmhouse, but back then, she had been the one he went to. They had spent many nights staying up late, talking about their nightmares, how they felt about what had happened that landed them in their situation. She sighed worriedly, knowing that Leo had been carrying those burdens alone again. She had hoped he would open up to his father now, but it was clear he hadn’t.

“Donnie, when we go back in there, I’d like to talk to Leo privately. Can I do that?”

Donnie looked at her, deep in thought. She could almost see his thoughts flying around in his head.

“Well, i-it should be okay, but once he starts getting tired, he _has_ to rest, or he’s going to get even worse.”

“I know. I just have an idea, and that idea requires privacy, okay, D?”

He nodded his head in understanding. He had been the one to carry Leo to bed after some of their late night conversations, after all. He knew that it was a private time, where April and Leo bonded as brother and sister.

April carried a warm cup of tea to the lab, as Donnie explained to Splinter what they were about to do. He stroked his beard thoughtfully.

“Perhaps it would be for the best, Donatello. You and your brothers are excused from training this morning, and may use your time however you wish, so long as you are not in the lair. We will notify you of any changes, my son.”

“Hai, Sensei.”

Splinter watched as April sat on the side of the bed, and was only a little surprised to see his eldest son leaning towards her, seemingly eager to speak to her. He sighed tiredly as he closed the door, knowing the two needed absolute privacy and quiet.

“What’s been bothering you, Leo?”

She held his tea, his trembling hands couldn’t keep a grip on the cup, as he took a shaky breath.

“I-I’ve been having nightmares nonstop. I thought they’d get better once we got home, but they’ve only gotten _worse_!”

His voice was hoarse, as if he had been coughing recently, and judging from what she had heard from Donnie, she assumed her estimate wasn’t too far off.

“And you haven’t been talking to anyone about it, have you, big brother?”

He shook his head, ashamed.

“Hey, you know you can always talk to me, right? And I can tell you need to talk right now, or you won’t be able to sleep peacefully.”

He nodded his head, of course he knew.

“I keep seeing Shredder, every time I close m-my eyes. And when it’s not him, I-I…”

He took a shuddering breath before continuing.

“I see my brothers, dead. I see F-father, and y-you, and Casey, all dead.”

He shook his head at the memories that were haunting him. April helped him take a sip of his tea before she spoke.

“Leo, look at me. I’m right here, I’m alive. So is everyone else. I know that it’s hard, but you need to let us help you.”

He looked down, trying to hide his face, before he whispered out.

“I…I need help, April.”

She gently rubbed his shaking hand, with her own free hand, before opting to set the tea down and using both of her own smaller hands to soothe her brother.

“Leo, do you want to tell me what happened this morning? I asked Donnie, but he felt it wasn’t his place to tell me what happened. If you don’t want to, that’s okay.”

He looked into her eyes, and saw care and love, and he knew she deserved some answers. How he had wound up needing to be in the lab for observation, how his morning had gone.

“I guess I’ll s-start with what happened last night. I-I uh…I fell off a rooftop, a-and hit my head. So patrol was cut sh-short. And then this morning, I-I had finally gotten to sleep, but my alarm went o-off. So I…I tried to meditate, but e-every time I closed my eyes, I only saw Sh-Shredder. So I gave up, a-and went to get a cup of t-tea.”

April continued to rub his hand and fingers as he spoke, she had heard about him collapsing in the kitchen from Mikey, but she still didn’t know why.

“But then D-Donnie said something a-and it scared me. I lost control of my breathing a-and had an asthma attack. I-I hadn’t had one for s-so long.”

Although surprised, April didn’t allow it to show. Her brother needed her to be there for him, and she knew it.

“I-I guess after that I must’ve passed out, because th-the next thing I remember is I woke up in F-Father’s room, but I didn’t see him, I saw Sh-Shredder. A-and I must’ve had another attack, because he did something to make my freeze for a short time so he could help me use my inhaler. A-and right after that i-is when you got here, April.”

April never stopped the soothing rubbing of his hands, but soon moved to his shoulders, relieving him of the tension he held there.

“Do you feel better, getting all of that off your chest, Leo?”

He nodded tiredly, as April placed a soft kiss on the top of his head. She continued to massage his tired body, and it wasn’t long before he started to relax into her touch.

“As long as I’m here with you, Leo, you’ll be safe. I promise.”

His breathing at last began to deepen, a sign he was asleep. Instead of leaving the lab, she curled up next to him on the bed, knowing that if he could feel her heartbeat, her breath, he would be able to sleep that much better.

It was late evening by the time the turtles returned to the lair, only to see their master on his way to the lab.

“Sensei?”

He looked at his younger sons, before motioning for them to follow. When they walked into the lab, they were astonished to see Leo sleeping peacefully, April settled down next to him, her head against his chest. Splinter had been carrying a blanket for the sleeping pair, they soon realized.

“Come, my sons. We must let them sleep for now. We will continue our training for the evening while they rest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plz leave a comment if you liked!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m feeling pretty good today, April. I-I think I’m ready to get back to normal now.”
> 
> He mentally cursed himself for the stutter that had stubbornly refused to leave. April smiled warmly at him, he knew she had been worried about how long he had been out of commission at this point. A few days ago, Donnie had mentioned a few mental health disorders Leo could be suffering from, and was working on a way to help him even more.
> 
> “How about we start with a sparring match, just you and me?”
> 
> “I’d l-like that, April.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh I wrote half of this immediately after waking up yesterday
> 
> the other half was written just a little while ago, while waiting for SOMEBODY TO WAKE UP *squints at younger sibling*

It’s been a week since Leo finally collapsed. A week since his family learned of his nightmares. And April has scarcely left his side since, because when she was with him, he knew he was safe.

“Leo, how are you feeling today?”

It was a normal question from April, but today he had a different answer, at long last.

“I’m feeling pretty good today, April. I-I think I’m ready to get back to normal now.”

He mentally cursed himself for the stutter that had stubbornly refused to leave. April smiled warmly at him, he knew she had been worried about how long he had been out of commission at this point. A few days ago, Donnie had mentioned a few mental health disorders Leo could be suffering from, and was working on a way to help him even more.

“How about we start with a sparring match, just you and me?”

“I’d l-like that, April.”

He had been forced to sit out during training for the week, while he mentally recovered. Splinter and Donnie had insisted, and training would not happen until Leo had agreed to simply watch each time. Often, he would end up meditating during training, now that he was able too focus clearly. He had indeed been getting restless from the inactivity, and he looked forward to the sparring match.

“Yeah, okay Donnie, but why is it affecting Leo so much?”

Raph wanted to know _exactly_ what was going on with their eldest brother, but Donnie was seemingly enjoying making it more difficult for him to understand. He sighed as he pulled up a website on his laptop and motioned for Raph to come closer.

“So…what? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Panic attacks? Whoa.”

Raph’s eyes grew wider as he read the descriptions for each thing that Donnie pointed out. They matched Leo’s actions and reactions.

“Okay Brainiac, now how do we help him? Cause this doesn’t look like it’s gonna be all that easy for us to help with.”

“W-well, I think I may be able to work out some medication that’ll help him manage it better, since April and Casey can get a lot of the stuff I need. But it might take me awhile.”

Donnie rubbed his temples in a vain attempt to ease his aching head. He had been working nonstop on finding a way to help his eldest brother and now it was showing the consequences.

“Don, maybe you should get some rest. If you aren’t a hundred percent, there’s no way we can help Leo.”

Raph hated seeing his brothers like this, but he knew it was unavoidable at this point. He knew better than the others how much stress Donnie was under, after all he had been woken up multiple times over the past week by him fumbling around with the coffee maker.

“Look, Raph, if we were only human, this would be so much easier. Some people can manage these things without medication, but I think Leo might _need_ it. B-but what he needs isn’t going to be easy to come by.”

As Donnie spoke, he reached for his most recent cup of coffee, only to be wacked by his older brother.

“Donnie, go get some rest. We’ll figure something out, we always have.”

His voice was uncharacteristically soft as he spoke to his exhausted brother. He helped the genius stand, knowing that if he didn’t, Donnie was likely to fall. Once Raph was satisfied his brother was finally sleeping, he went to the dojo, where he was surprised to see April and Leo sparring. He smiled as he watched the pair, they had been nearly inseparable for the past week. He was only a little surprised that April was actually doing rather well, and Leo was very clearly not holding back.

April was enjoying the sparring match with Leo, it was the first time the two of them sparred together alone, and she was beginning to understand why. He hadn’t been training during the week, which gave her a slight advantage, but she was certain that was the only reason why they seemed to be evenly matched.

“Okay, okay, you win this one, Leo!”

She wasn’t sure when he saw an opening, but she _did_ know he had managed to pin her down. He held out his hand, and she gratefully took it.

“I’ll go grab something to drink, and maybe we can have a rematch after?”

Anyone could tell that Leo was restless, and was more than happy to be sparring once again. But his body was stubbornly refusing to cooperate with him for his usual amount of training.

“Sounds great, April. H-hey how are the guys, I haven’t seen any of them since yesterday morning?”

He watched as she stopped, seemingly deep in thought.

“I think Casey took Mikey topside for some kind of game or something, but don’t worry, they’re at my house. Um, last I checked, Raph and Donnie were in the lab, working on something.”

Leo grimaced at the idea of his two younger brothers together in the lab, knowing exactly how well it typically went when such a thing occurred.

“I think I’ll go check on them, j-just to make sure they d-don’t’ blow something up.”

April giggled as the two went their separate ways. She knew Leo’s favorite flavor of Gatorade, his favorite snack for after a sparring session, and how he was likely going to get very cold within the next ten minutes if they didn’t resume their sparring.

“H-hey, you g-guys aren’t blowing anything up, right?”

He had expected to see Donnie at his computer, not Raph. Leo was incredibly confused.

“Oh, hey Leo. Yeah, dr. Brainiac hasn’t slept for like three days or something. So I made him get some sleep, on the condition I write some of this stuff down for him.”

As if on cue, the brothers heard a soft snore from the corner of the room where Donnie kept a bed for his late nights. Leo snorted, knowing Raph had a tendency to threaten bodily harm if any of his brothers did something like that.

“I-I was just making sure you guys didn’t blow anything up. A-April and I are gonna spar some more.”

He moved to walk out of the lab, but was stopped when Raph grabbed his hand.

“Leo, uh. I’m-I’m glad you’re doing better, bro. We were really worried about ya, you know?”

He looked down in shame before responding, refusing to look Raph in the eye.

“I-I know. I’m trying to do better.”

His voice was scarcely above a whisper, but it was enough for Raph. He had known for some time about Leo’s nightmares, but he had assumed they had at least lessened when they won back the city. He blamed himself for not checking on his eldest brother like he had at the farmhouse.

“Raph, you can’t blame yourself for this. This is all my own doing.”

Leo jumped when Raph slammed his hand on the desk.

“No, Leo! You’ve _always_ taken the blame for _everything_! You risked your life so many times to protect us, and how did we repay you!? By not even **thinking** to ask if you were _okay_! One of us should have seen what you were doing, how bad the nightmares were.”

With each word he said, Leo recognized that in his want to protect his family, he had inadvertently hurt them.

“R-Raph, no. I-it’s not anyone’s fault except f-for mine.”

Leo couldn’t hide the guilt he felt for making his family worry about him.

“No, Leo. You’re our leader. You’ve always taken care of us, even when we were kids. A-and I know I haven’t always been the best brother to you, but I want to at least try and make up for that now.”

The anger that had been in Raph’s voice had been replaced with worry, much to Leo’s surprise. Blue eyes locked with green, and he knew that his younger brother meant every word he had said. Raph hugged Leo, an action that he hadn’t willingly done for many years, and was all too happy when Leo returned the hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments, I'll be answering them hopefully later in the day! The more comments I get, the more motivated I am to write more chapters :3


	5. The Path of a Leader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sensei, you asked to see me?”
> 
> “Leonardo. April mentioned to me that your breathing has worsened. And yet you have not told Donatello. Why?”
> 
> Leo flinched at his sensei’s words. April had told him that she was going to be left with no choice but to tell one of the others, but he hadn’t thought she would tell Splinter.
> 
> “I-I…I don’t know, Sensei.”

“Sensei, you asked to see me?”

“Leonardo. April mentioned to me that your breathing has worsened. And yet you have not told Donatello. Why?”

Leo flinched at his sensei’s words. April had told him that she was going to be left with no choice but to tell one of the others, but he hadn’t thought she would tell Splinter.

“I-I…I don’t know, Sensei.”

But somewhere, deep in his mind, he knew. He hadn’t even realized he had looked away from Splinter, and instead stared at his own weapons, a reminder of how he had failed as a leader yet again. A gentle hand on his shoulder startled him out of his thoughts.

“Leonardo, my son. You have a great many wounds to your mind. They run far deeper than I originally anticipated, and it will take time for them to heal. For the time being, you are to remain in the sewers. Your brothers will handle patrol.”

Leo grimaced at thought of being benched yet again. He would never forget the helplessness he had felt at the farmhouse, and hated to be going through it once more. He clenched and unclenched his hands multiple times, an action that did not go unnoticed by his master.

“My son, look at me.”

It was the first time that the two had stared into each others eyes in a rather long time. Splinter could now see how different those eyes were now. They were no longer brilliantly blue, nor did they carry the same fearlessness they had before. Splinter looked deep into those blue eyes, and was given an insight to what his son was currently feeling.

Despair.

Fear.

Frustration.

Worry.

Pain.

Sadness.

In that moment, Splinter understood that his eldest son had been subjected to far worse than his brothers, during the battle all those months ago. He had known the Shredder had severely harmed Leo, but he hadn’t even begun to think of the mental injuries that had been inflicted in that time.

“Leonardo, I believe it is time you told me precisely what happened. We may wait until your brothers leave for patrol, but not a moment later.”

Splinter didn’t miss Leo flinching at his words. He suspected there was more that Leo had hidden deep within his mind, that not even April had been able to learn about.

“Alright, we’re ready to head out. You sure you’ll be okay with just Splinter with you tonight, Leo?”

Leo chuckled tiredly at his brother, knowing he was worried about Leo staying _in the lair_.

“Raph, we’ll be fine. Just…look out for them for me. You’re the leader while I’m out, you know.”

Green eyes locked with blue, a silent understanding between the brothers, acknowledging their duties. With a final wave, the younger three brothers left, along with April. Leo took a deep breath before turning around to walk into the dojo.

“Sensei? They’re gone now.”

Leo’s voice was quiet as he spoke, walking towards his father.

“Leonardo, please sit. What…what happened, my son?”

Anyone could have heard the worry and pain in Splinter’s voice. Although Leo knew he meant well, he couldn’t stop the very visible flinch from his father’s tone.

“I…I don’t even know where to begin, father. Th-there’s so much in my mind, a-and I know it’ll hurt me to talk about it, and hurt you to hear about it. I-it’s painful, _so painful_ to even _think_ about any of it…”

Leo was trembling, memories flowing through his mind rapidly. Each and every time he believed he had failed. His thoughts drifted to each act of self sacrifice, how much he had put himself through to be the absolute best leader he could be for his team.

Splinter watched as his eldest son struggled to get the words out, and was startled when he let out a choked sob. He opened his arms and it was mere seconds before Leo collapsed into them.

“F-father, w-why did you make me the l-leader? I-I can’t even t-talk about-about what happened, how can you expect me to-to be able to protect them? Nothing-nothing I ever do is enough! I-I’m so lost, but I try so hard to not-not let it show.”

Leo’s sobbing was sure to lead to another attack, Splinter was certain. He rubbed soothing circles on his son’s shell, and began to speak softly.

“My son, I knew you were meant to be a leader since you were very young. You have always shown more maturity than your brothers. You’ve always looked out for our family, and do not think for a moment that I am not aware of everything you did while at April’s farmhouse, Leonardo. My son, you have always done far more than needed. For all of us. You need to let us help you, just as you help us.”

Gently wiping Leo’s cheeks dry, Splinter forced him to look into his eyes, and instead of seeing his teenaged son, he saw the small boy he had given his own katana to. He thought back to when the turtles had been much younger, when Leo had been afraid of many things, unlike his brothers. Splinter carefully stood, cradling his eldest son just as he had when he was a child.

“So I told Master Splinter, and they’re supposed to be having a talk tonight, but that’s all I’m going to tell you guys for now.”

April yawned as she finished her sentence, causing Donnie to look at her curiously.

“April, have _you_ been getting enough sleep?”

A moment’s hesitation from April confirmed Donnie’s concerns. He and Raph exchanged a worried glance.

“Look, Ap. I know you’re the only one other than Sensei that can get him to calm down, but you need sleep too. We’re already down one member of the team, we can’t let any body else get pulled off the team.”

It was odd to hear Raph calling April by a nickname that the brothers had given her at some point, but it got the point across. She nodded tiredly, the many late nights had finally been starting to catch up to her. She knew that this patrol would tire her out, and it would make it possible for her to sleep through the night.

“Yeah April, and tomorrow I can make pancakes for breakfast!”

She couldn’t help the chuckle at Mikey’s excitement for the next morning. The brothers were all to happy to discover that it was a quiet night in the city, and they decided to visit Murakami’s before they headed home at last.

“Come on April, you gotta eat _something_! I know you didn’t eat much today…”

She had opted to sit in one the small booths, rather than at the counter this time, and Donnie had decided to bring her her favorite meal, a specialty of Murakami’s. She accepted it, but didn’t eat anything at first.

“Donnie, I’m just so worried about him. It-it’s almost like he’s being told sleep isn’t allowed for him. But he’s definitely ready to start training again. He misses going on patrol, and he hates being cooped up in the lair. But at the same time, he’s afraid to leave.”

She sighed as she finally released the worry she had been feeling. She looked up and wasn’t surprised to see him, clearly deep in thought.

“W-well, April, I’ve been working on some meds that might help him. I’ve been researching all of these things and-and learning more about what might be wrong with Leo’s mental state. But I’ll need your help with confirming everything. Of-of course, after you get some rest. And food.”

April smiled at her best friend as she finally ate a bite of noodles, and discovered just how hungry she was. Donnie took their dishes back to Murakami, and was only a little surprised to see April had fallen asleep in the few short minutes he had been gone.

“Guys, I think we’d better get back to the lair, April’s totally out.”

Raph and Mikey looked over from their spot at the counter, nodding their heads when they saw April fast asleep, in what had to be a very uncomfortable position.

Ordinarily the brothers would tease Donnie for gently picking up their sleeping friend and carrying her all the way home, but they knew she needed the rest.

“May you sleep peacefully at last, my son.”

Splinter sat on the side of Leo’s bed, tucking his blanket around him tightly. Now that he and his son had spoken, Splinter hoped the result would be easier sleep for Leo. Their talk had gone on quite later than anticipated, and his other sons were due to return any moment. Sighing, he looked at the small area in Leo’s room where April had been sleeping for the past week.

He smiled softly, recognizing the soft sleeping bag he had given Leo two years ago, for when he couldn’t sleep in his bed for any reason. Standing up, he took a final glance at his eldest, and was pleasantly surprised to see him smiling in his sleep. He opened the door to return to his own room, only to narrowly avoid Donnie, carrying a sleeping April.

Eyebrows raised, he watched as his most brilliant son carefully laid the girl down, wrapping the blankets around her. Even making sure her weapons were safely set in their place and plugged in her phone and laptop. At last, Donnie gently removed her headband and untied her ponytail, gently ruffling her hair before leaving her to sleep comfortably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to have SOME fluff with those two y'know


	6. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m so glad you were able to sleep the whole night, Leo! And I saw you were able to train with the guys today, too!”
> 
> He was finally beginning to heal. They knew that Donnie would be able to figure something out to help him, and April would always be there to help him through his nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last, the final chapter. Leave a comment if you liked :)

Leo opened his eyes, and turned to look at the clock. It was already six in the morning. Wait-that meant…he had slept the whole night. Without a nightmare! Grinning to himself, he glanced over at April, still wearing her clothes from the day before. It didn’t take a genius to realize she must’ve exhausted herself during patrol.

Silently, Leo made his way over to his sister. Her phone made a soft noise that gradually became louder, and he recognized her alarm. However, she didn’t even stir from the noise. Swiftly, he silenced her phone before placing it back on the floor, and tucking her blanket back around her. Smiling, he ruffled her hair before exiting his room.

“I’m telling you, Raph! It-it’s just not feasible! Making his inhaler was one thing, but completely engineering medication is out of the question until I know more!”

Donnie growled from behind his fifth cup of coffee. He wanted to help Leo just as much as his brothers, but he wasn’t even sure where to begin with what he was fairly certain was needed for his older brother. Before Raph could give a heated reply, the two were lightly thwacked on the backs of their heads by none other than their older brother.

“L-Leo! You’re up early today!”

It was true, Leo had been sleeping later than he had before, but today he woke up much closer to his original wake time. For the first time in what felt like months, Donnie and Raph were treated to a smirk from their leader, indicating how he was feeling.

Raph looked at Donnie, the pair grinning as they realized: _Their big brother, their leader, was finally back_.

The trio hadn’t realized they were being watched by their father and youngest brother. Mikey had been spending more nights with Splinter since Leo collapsed, as he was so worried for his brother.

“So what’s this about medication, Don?”

Leo asked easily, finally sitting down, now intently gazing at his genius brother. He knew by now that he truly needed help, and that the medications that Donnie had been researching were supposed to help. He was finally willing to accept the fact that he needed more help than he had.

Donnie sighed before pouring another cup of coffee for himself and preparing the tea kettle for Leo.

“W-well, I might not be able to do this, Leo. I’m going to try, but there’s no guarantee, like I was trying to tell Raph. I-I’m sorry Leo, I don’t know if I can do this…”

“Donnie, it’s okay. If you can’t do it, then you can’t. We’ll find a different way, we always have.”

He gratefully accepted the steaming cup of tea as he finished speaking. His mind was clearer than it had been for the past several months. He took a sip of the soothing liquid before speaking to their audience.

“Good morning Sensei, Mikey.”

The red and purple clad brothers whirled around, shocked to see the rest of their family. A big yawn from Donnie caught the attention of Leo.

“Don, did you stay up all night _again_?”

Leo’s tone left no room for Donnie to argue about why he had stayed up.

“W-well…”

Donnie looked nervously at the floor. He had been so close to a solution last night, but then he discovered something that had set his research back yet again. He was going to have to call on Casey to help him get some of the items he was going to need.

As the family watched Donnie, deep in thought, they couldn’t help but share a knowing smile. He must’ve been close to a breakthrough at some point in the night. He was mumbling to himself, entirely unaware that his family was still watching him.

“Don, you need to get some sleep, bro.”

“But-“

“Can it, dork.”

“Raph, I just drank an entire pot of coffee, I’m not going to be able to sleep anytime soon.”

Frustrated, Raph threw his hands up, narrowly avoiding Mikey’s face.

“Come my sons, let us have morning practice, and we will discuss this later. Leonardo, you may rejoin your brothers today.”

Splinter smiled warmly at the grin this news earned him. His eldest had always taken his training more seriously than his brothers, and being forced to sit out for even the short week had been nearly suffocating for the teen.

Leo looked around at his brothers, content that they were going to be able to settle back into their normal lives. A twinge in his chest reminded him to not be careless, he didn’t want to trigger anything _else_ happening to his body.

Leo smiled softly to himself as he went through his warm up, being extra gentle to his body as he did so. Although he hadn’t wanted to admit it to his brothers, his old injury from the Shredder had been causing him pain once again, much to his frustration. April had helped him do physical therapy type exercises, hoping to help with mobility and pain management, and thus far, had been successful.

“Today, Leonardo will spar with Donatello, Michelangelo with Raphael.”

Splinter had no intention of letting his two eldest sons get into a brawl on Leo’s first day back in training.

“Hajime!”

April woke up, feeling rather disoriented and confused. The last thing she remembered was talking to Donnie at Murakami’s the previous night. Rubbing her eyes, she saw her phone and laptop, charging. She smiled softly, her gaze shifting to her headband and hair tie, left next to her phone.

As she yawned, she checked her phone, surprised to see it was well past nine in the morning now. She typically had an alarm set for six, and suddenly she realized Leo wasn’t in bed. Panic gripped her heart before she could convince herself to think logically.

She darted to the entrance of the dojo, where she saw Leo and Donnie sparring, beads of sweat upon their brows. Another smile graced her features as she watched the two turtles continue with their sparring match. Off to the other side, she saw Raph and Mikey “sparring”, or as Raph liked to call it: “beating the green off of Mikey”.

Content that the brothers were looking out for each other, even if it didn’t appear as so, she silently walked to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, she saw a purple bento box with her name on a sticky note, explaining it was from Donnie.

She decided to have a cup of tea, and was only a little surprised to find the kettle had been left on, seemingly for her. Searching for her favorite mug, she discovered it in the cabinet, among Donnie’s collection of coffee cups.

She sat down with her cup of steaming tea, and opened the bento that Donnie had made for her breakfast. She recognized a few typical Japanese breakfast items, mingled with some of her own favorites. Popping a strawberry in her mouth, she smiled contentedly.

Leo and Donnie were enjoying the sparring, and it was easy to see that the brothers were evenly matched, with their exhaustion bringing their skills down to a certain point.

“Ya me!”

Splinter called out, a soft smile gracing his aging features. What would he do without his sons? He often thought of what could have happened, had he not bought four baby turtles all those years ago. Their mutation day was coming soon, he reflected. He doubted that they remembered such a day, with their minds being so focused on other things lately.

“You four did well today, training has ended for the morning. Enjoy your breakfast, my sons.”

Despite his joy at being able to train with his brothers again, Leo was _tired_ after that. He could feel the warmth leaving his body, as he slowly walked to the kitchen, intent on another cup of tea. He smiled when he saw April sitting at the counter, reading over some papers that he decided must have been from Donnie.

“Good morning April.”

She looked up at him, not wanting to tear her attention away from her reading.

“Morning, Leo. Sleep well?”

He grinned at her, that goofy grin that he rarely did lately. She couldn’t stop a smile from creeping onto her face.

“I slept so good last night, it was amazing! I…I forgot what it was like to get a full night’s rest.”

Since she had decided to move back into the lair to help him, she hadn’t been having the best sleep either, but she was not about to tell him that.

“I’m so glad you were able to sleep the whole night, Leo! And I saw you were able to train with the guys today, too!”

He was finally beginning to heal. They knew that Donnie would be able to figure something out to help him, and April would always be there to help him through his nightmares.


End file.
